Now At A Farm

Mentorship has been on my mind a lot lately.

Legacy has been on my mind lately.

What does it mean to be a mentor? To be mentored? How do you know when you’re leaving a legacy behind, and when does it matter (if ever)? How do you honor a legacy, truly? When do you know if it’s being honored?

I have been trying to write about my experience at EYG’s Last Retreat for a month now and can never quite find the right words. Ecumenical Youth Group was founded in 1975 and closed in 2021. That’s nearly 50 years of giving high school students the space and support they need to figure out who they are. I was in it in high school and became a counselor when I was an adult.

There were many things that felt truly special about this youth group. One was that it wasn’t religious at all. To have a group meet once a week on Sundays where kids get together, talk about hard topics, and get to know who they are without a dogma shaping them? That’s truly special. Some students were quite religious. Others were staunchly atheist. Some were agnostic. Yet all of us learned from each other. We were taught about active listening, compassion, empathy, and the art of a good conversation. I fully believe I would not be who I am today without EYG at that formative time in my life.

As an adult, on the counselor side, I got to fully appreciate the space. Here were students who were trying to figure out what THEY thought about big topics (topics like abortion, fracking, prison justice system, and more), not what their parents or their loudest friends thought. Their own thoughts, based on their own moral and ethical compasses. I loved being a counselor.

The COVID 19 pandemic put an end to EYG, and this past year the board sent out an email inviting all of the alumni to the Last Retreat. Me and two good friends signed right on up.

I think the reason why it’s so hard to write about this weekend is because it feels like it requires a lot of backstory, exposition, and explanation as to what EYG is. It is a truly unique community. If I had to sum it up as quickly as possible, I’d try to describe the culture of EYG. It needs only two concepts: compassion and active listening.

Now, taking those two cornerstones of the culture, imagine a lodge in the woods with 100 people ranging from 22 to 87 years old. All highly opinionated, from all over the world (one even flew from Australia for the weekend) .

What could’ve been a weekend where generations butted heads or grumbled “Ugh kids these days” or “they will never learn, will they?” turned into a weekend of multi-generational community building. Because we all were reminded on day one of the retreat of compassion and active listening, we all leaned into conversations across generational lines. We asked questions that we knew might receive a scoff or a telling off anywhere else.

What struck me the most was physically experiencing the legacy of EYG. When you’re a student, you have a tiny 4-year view into it. And those 4 years are tumultuous, hormonal, and under quite a lot of pressure about figuring out your future. If you become a counselor as an adult, you still only really see a slice of it. But having so many people in that room who had the same supportive community around them growing up – I realized it wasn’t about the individual people leading EYG.

It was about how the legacy of the space was tended generation after generation.

So often in business, in organizations, in families, there is that one or two people who seem like lynchpins. Without them, the culture or the company would start to flounder. Or the next family dinner would be stilted and exceedingly forced. But what happens if the pressure is taken off their shoulders (believe me, they feel it) and everyone takes a bit of the load?

Every single one of the folks at the Last Retreat took responsibility for the vibe of the space. And that’s what made it work. And that’s what made EYG special. We were all responsible to each other. The adults were important as they gave students direction, but they were mostly guides, there to make sure no one got hurt physically or emotionally. The students bore the responsibility of carrying on the legacy, whether they were aware of it or not.

All this to say, no community is perfect. No community is without fault. But next time you’re surrounded by your community, take a second to look around and notice if folks are showing up for the group or if the burden of the group is resting on just a few shoulders.

Ah and – the Last Retreat reignited a love for EYG and dang do we need a safe space for youth right now. There is renewed energy in starting it back up and I couldn’t be more thrilled about it.